Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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