Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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