if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
this hospital has no fireball
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
