I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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