proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He shit in the fireplace
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
