C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
