I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
