A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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