tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
