I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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