omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
