did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny