remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth