You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED