Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"