Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
