i just had sex bonerless
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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