Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
