There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
