A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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