Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
