Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
