Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
