I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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