Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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