More tranny stories later!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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