I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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