Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
