we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
