He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
