Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
why is half of my head shaved?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
