even my farts smell like vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
