I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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