oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found a bag of teeth...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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