He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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