i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
