Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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