living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
