my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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