This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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