It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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