my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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