I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
