he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
