I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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