My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
