I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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