im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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