upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
