I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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