hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
