I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
