White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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