why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
