Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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