a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
