I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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