She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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