I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
