he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
