After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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