My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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