What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
