Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
