I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
