all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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