Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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