We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize